Monday, February 4, 2013

Time Passes

Time passes and my nerves thin. I hold his hand, bringing him to get changed and it happens...that annoying habit of the small and dearly loved.

 He goes limp.

The hand holding turns into pulling and coaxing - why can't he just walk in the direction I have chosen for him. Doesn't he know I know the best way?

I can't help but think of the times I've gone limp holding my Savior's hand. Here we are walking, hand-in-hand, a beautiful path together. His thoughts, my thoughts; His path, mine. We walk in peace and security. No distractions, just the quiet, still voice, the leading of Him who loves me most.

Until... I go limp. Hand still held high -- reaching up. Reaching, but not wanting. Not wanting the path that has been chosen for me. My thoughts cloud over. I forget, it's a path chosen JUST for me. I hang there lost in my own indecision. Hand still held high but the weight of my own stubbornness pulling me hard to the earth. Weighed down like rocks making a protective wall around my heavy heart. I've changed direction, the path is not so straight, and the heaviness is all-consuming. It's a power issue. A fight for control. My head is dazed, I thought I knew the way. But it's all so clear that I do not. Who is to lead, who is to follow. I have to decide here and now who is in control. Where the wall is built.

The limp, the heavy, the stubborn, controlling body of a child of God. 

Time passes, I stop, thank God for this small, strong body and receive the calming hand of my Lord. I receive it much like the small, dangling child writhing on the floor. In my own time, but it's just a short time.... the loving arms of mom (my Savior) are too warm and too inviting to stray away from for too long. He is my only way. The only path worth walking, my only security.

For I, the Lord your God, 
will hold your right hand,
Saying to you, 

Fear not, I will help you.
--Isaiah 41:13
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